Cancer is a tough beat. That being said, for the most part, I tend to keep my spirits up. Unfortunately, a large part of that relies on the optimistic belief that I’ll “get my life back,” somewhere in the future.
Cancer and Optimism
The truth is that I’ve spend most of the year-plus since my diagnosis weaker, and sicker than I have ever been in the past. The pain from the neuropathy in my feet doesn’t really seem to be going away. And, the cracks in that optimism start to appear.
Even before cancer, I found that it is all too easy to look up. The house that you want that is a little bit bigger, has a library, and pool in the backyard. The job that offers more money, more respect, and paid trips to the coolest conferences. And so on.
While looking ahead to these things is meaningfully motivating, it is also important to acknowledge what you’ve already achieved.
The house on the quiet street with a nice-sized bedroom for each kid. The job that allows you to work from home while you have to juggle doctor’s appointments and bouts of sickness. The solid life insurance and paycheck that covers all of your bills and a little bit of fun.
The fact that your back no longer hurts so badly you can barely stand.
The fact that you can throw the ball to your son while he still wants you to.
The fact that you can be clever and interesting to your teenage daughter… at least in short bursts.
A loving spouse that may be one of the best caregivers of all time.
No Going Back
And, so while it is entirely possible that I won’t ever get my old life back, the reality is that the one I have is pretty wonderful in so many ways. I’m glad to be here, and I’m glad to keep soldiering on.
And, if it turns out I get “back” to whatever I had before, I’ll be sure to be grateful instead of automatically looking ahead. After all, there are always mountains that I could have climbed, 5Ks that I could have ran, and exotic places left to visit.