It’s not all sunshine and rainbows.
It’s been two years since I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma. It has tried to kill me twice. The second time caused my oncologist to parse his words very carefully in front of me, “That was… that was a save. Mucor is usually fatal.”
I should feel lucky. – I do.
I should be happy to be alive. – I am.
Is It Anger Still
Apparently I’m angry. I’ve only just noticed, my wife is astonished I haven’t been aware for quite some time.
Anyway, my biggest problem is that cancer makes me angry. Not just my cancer, and not just cancer the disease, but everything that has anything to do with cancer. I get mad when someone is on TV, “He had stage 73 super cancer, but now he runs marathons for babies.”
Fuck that guy.
I saw a tweet about a useful resource in Conquer Magazine. I’ve never heard of Conquer Magazine, but my first thought was, “Fuck this. They suck.” Then, I judged their covers and decided they were too Journal or McCalls. It’s actually a well done magazine that tries to be a resource for cancer survivors and patients.
(I’m also angry that I’m not technically a cancer survivor since myeloma always comes back. I’m in remission, but it’s only a matter of time. I guess I’m a cancer pauser, or something.)
The resource came from Takeda Oncology. Yeah. I had crummy thoughts about them too, especially when I found out they make Velcade. I blame Velcade for some of my neuropathy.
Then I hated their color-coded chart.
All of these people were just trying to be helpful. (I can’t give full credit to Takeda. They charge obscene prices for their drugs like all companies that make drugs you need to keep living do. — It’s evil, frankly. Pure evil. — But, this chart wasn’t evil.)
I ranted on Twitter.
And then I came here. I might delete this later, but it’s important to know that even when you are in remission there can be negatives. Plus I haven’t updated here in a long time, so… here’s a freebie update.
I will try to be less angry.